that it's nice to see me again. As in, I haven't been myself for a long time, and I seem to be back.
I do feel it, feel myself coming back. I didn't really know that anyone else was looking, you know? Apparently my sisters have been looking, and talking to my mom.
When you're sad, it gets easy to crawl inside yourself and stop reaching out and forget that others can see you. I tend to feel invisible and think my state of mind is a secret, but no. Not the case. I don't know why this surprises me, I can see joy and misery (and a whole host of other less consequential moods) in others - it's in the posture, the voice, the feel of a person. I don't really know why this thought has struck me so hard, why it keeps rolling back into my mind, but there it is.
I guess mostly it's that I'm really glad they were looking. Even when you think you are all alone, you aren't. I feel grateful. I feel grateful for so much these days.
Meanwhile, Spring is here! I took a long walk around the park yesterday, among all the brand-new green and the blossoming trees (like big, pink popcorn balls) and slobbering eager doggies. God it was great. It was just warm enough to feel comfortable in the sunlight, but chilly in the shade. Perfect. Then lunch with friends, another walk in the sunshine, and an entire evening of knitting in front of the dvd player.
A good day.